BAD: A MATTER OF PERCEPTION

I find it interesting when reading articles about the wrecked marriage of celebs. Some do have a little dignity to keep it under wrap as it is something way too personal to be shared with the whole nation. Some do think that by playing the victim card, trashing the ex & the 'marriage wrecker', they'll 'win' the public. The perception of the BAD women 'MERAMPAS' other women's husbands is the interesting part I want to analyze. (It is also interesting how husbands appear like inanimate objects that are incapable of moving on their own, hence RAMPASAN happens ~ sound like a car being RAMPAS by the repo guy)

I was married the 1st time when I was 28. I was flying with the national carrier back then. So a typical month for me & my spouse would be seeing each other at home around 4 to 6 days. Things got more distant after 2 years. He avoided me when we were around each other & spent less time at home when I had my off days. He once left his phone accidentally at home & when it rang, I answered. A girl's voice was at the other end. When I said that he left the phone at home, the girl asked "sapa ni?". I answered, "wife dia. ada pesanan?" she suddenly sounded a little shaky, said she'd call later & thanked me. Then, there's 1 time we went back to his hometown to visit his parents. His mom pulled me aside in one ocassion just to ask me if his son was having an affair. She said, someone saw him having meal with another woman. I told her it probably be his officemate (he was an office-less limo driver). There were also nights that he didn't come home and said he had to sleep over at JPJ for puspakom inspection of his limo (JPJ & Puspakom operate during office hour). We got divorce on the 5th year of our marriage. He remarried about a year and a half after the divorce. When I finally met his current wife, I learnt that he had been hitting on her long before. I never see her as a BAD woman who RAMPAS my husband. HE STOPPED LOVING ME - it didn't really matter what the reason was.

I know a woman distantly. Let's name her Qis (not her real name). She hates all 3 women who married her father for she thinks that these BAD women RAMPAS her father from her mother. Then her own mom died, so the 2nd wife of her father raised her. She still hates her.

Qis married a decent but less well-off man. She had an overbearing jealousy towards her husband. She accused all women who talked, smiled or passed by her husband are BAD women who wanted to RAMPAS him away from her.

When Qis' youngest sister hit her 20's, she dated a wealthy middle aged married man. Lil' sis lived in a condo paid for by the boyfriend. Qis didn't think that it was BAD for lil' sis to RAMPAS some (old) woman's husband.

One day a huge fight broke between Qis and her husband. She heard rumors that her husband impregnate the maid (the maid was never pregnant actually), she sent the maid back & kicked her husband out of the house. She was certain that the husband would be sorry to have done that to her and that without her, he was nothing. During the separation the husband lived with his parents & found another woman. She was furious & wanted the husband back. She sent her father to 'pick the husband up' from his parents'. She accused the other woman of being a BAD woman (she called her "SLUT") who wrecked her marriage, RAMPAS her husband & RAMPAS the father of her kids (she locked the gate when the husband came to see the kids) & told the whole world that the husband was being 'enchanted' by the woman. She did everthing to get him back but failed.

3 years after her divorce she started to date. She dated a married man. It's no longer BAD to be with a married man because JODOH PERTEMUAN DI TANGAN TUHAN.

My other friend, Ally (also not her real name, mind you!) was so furious when she got to know her middle-aged father dated a girl about her age. Somehow her brother found the girl & brought her to their house. Ally lose it, slapped the girl right on her face when the girl admitted that she was dating Ally's father. When asked why was she so mad at the girl, Ally said she couldn't stand it how someone would want to RAMPAS her father from her mother. She accused the girl of being 'kurang ajar' and the such (she was talking too fast that I couldn't catch). A few years later Ally reached her 30's, single with no prospect in sight. Her old boyfriend from her younger days contacted her. He's married with a kid. Against everyone's advice to stay away from him, she pursued the affair.

Chinta is a woman in her mid 40's. Divorced with 3 kids. Her ex hubby had an affair, took off without any word, married the other woman & just literally disappeared for a few years. When she finally found him, he already had a kid with the other woman. Chinta filed for divorce. When asked if the other woman was younger or prettier, she said "My marriage is between me & my husband. HE screwed it up. Not that woman. I don't see the need to know anything about her". Very seldom you find a woman that RATIONAL.

Nina is a friend whom I knew because her ex-husband is my ex-husband's roomie from their single days. We've been friends for more than 12 years now. When we were still married to our exes, we always see each other coz she lives about 5 mins from where i live. Nina's husband had an affair with a divorcee. Nina got to know about it & she always have this full-blown-Bollywood-style fight with the husband. When I see her, she'll be trashing the MAK JAN the husband was seeing. call her PERAMPAS LAKI ORANG & what nots. I knew she hated the other woman so much that all curse words ever invented by humankind had been used towards the other woman. I didn't see her after my divorce & 2 years later she got divorced. I met her again 3 years ago when i was already dating my current husband. When asked if she was seeing someone, she told me that she's seeing a married man. I didn't ask further.

There are more instances around me, but it will take ages to write them. My guess on this issue is:

1. It's not BAD to be THE OTHER WOMAN, as long as that other woman is YOU, YOUR MOTHER, YOUR SISTER or SOMEONE YOU LOVE.

2. It's not BAD to date a married man, as long as the wife is not YOU, YOUR MOTHER, YOUR SISTER or SOMEONE YOU LOVE.

NO? heh..heh..heh.. ;-p