A friend from uni visited me last weekend. Apart of catching up (read: bitching about stuff) and stock up on our carbs, she asked me questions I hate to answer. I m not big in playing counsellor & that's the reason why i took drama in uni eventhough i m a director's nightmare!
Apparently this gf had been going out with a cool guy. Her problem at the moment is that Mr. Cool accuses her of being clingy. She refuses to "give some space" & thinks Cool wants to ditch her. She get worked up at times thinking how devastating it's gonna be if he leaves her. She started to analyze every sentence uttered by Cool for the past 2 days he refused to see her, she kept going on and on and on...asking me, among others:
Q: if he wants to break up, just tell it to my face la...why do like this?
A: Honey, men are not good with confrontation...
Q: Am i wrong to think that he loves me caused he said he cares for me....
A: Well, i m sure he loves you....
Q: but why he doesn't want to see me?
A: He just need some space and there'e no reason to get too worked up
Q: but we hardly together - i work regular hours plus partime at night. we only get to see each other on weekends....why he refuses to see me?....
A: He might feel too....emmm....rimas...err..emmm...maybe he isn't ready for comittment kot....
Q: but he said he cares for me.....does he have another woman?
A: Oh, no,no, i don't think so (considering women like me would run a mile seeing his appearance)...he just ain't ready for a serious relationship, that's all...
Q: do u think so?
A: of course i do...
It's difficult to understand what men think - about us, our relationship, our love. From the time zone where i came from 'need some space' = i need to break up with u. It belongs to the same category of 'we r not breaking up, we just need some time off', 'we just need to slow down', 'it's not u, it's just me, u r a great guy', 'i luv u but......'. Being well experienced in the dating game, most men who fall head over heels with u, would want to spend every single hour with you & they want to make sure that there would be no other bloke would want to take you away from them (yeah, once they're married to you, it's a different story altogether!). So, my verdict to this 'need some space' crap is: Mr. Cool need a way out coz he's not THAT into her. Well, but then again, it might be different now - young men nowadays might 'need some space' to strengthen their relationship, no?
Seeing her playing the relationship movie over and over in her head & quoting and citing her beau's words made me realize how amazing it is that women go the extra miles of digesting, disecting, researching their failed relationship, like some med interns post-morteming a corpse zealously in search for answers to the cause of death. We scrutinize each action, we analyze each sentence, if not words/syllable uttered by our guy. We try to figure out WHAT/WHEN THE HELL WENT WRONG.
Why can't we just break up like a man - shed some tears in 10 minutes, dash to a club, have drinks with best buddies, hit on some chicks & talk rubbish? Is it that difficult for women to understand that IT'S OVER and just DROP IT OFF & MOVE ON? Why do we need to put our failed relationship under a scanner and run CODIS over it? Are we good in denial or we're just some clueless lot. Men don't overanalyze things the way we do. Is it genetics or are we socialized in a way that we overanalyzed every single thing in our life? Can we be less complicated & just go "hey, i screwed up this relationship, i just need to learn from it & move on" end of the story. But we can't, can we?
2 comments:
If only it is as easy as that for the man. Not that easy I'd say. I related to one in my blog, perhaps that'll paint you a bit of a 'real' picture.
In any case that's a good point you have there - drop it, get on with your life!
its nice to be able to just drop it and move on, but its nicer if u cud screw up his life bigtime, drop it and move on :D (i m such a vengeful person i know i know)
Post a Comment